Friday, December 24, 2010

Break-ups and self-respect

He is gone. There is nothing you can do to change it. You have to deal with it and move on. However, it's not such an easy thing to do. There is this one episode of How I Met Your Mother where Robin Scherbatsky has the same problem. She sees her ex-boyfriend on TV, and is instantly reminded of their tough break-up. She gets drunk,  calls him and leaves a voicemail saying "I'm soo gonna kill you!" And of course she regrets it the next day, but what's done is done.  Not only did she lose her self-respect by threatening her ex, but she also showed that she was not strong enough to resist the urge of calling him. I am sure she is not the only woman in history who has acted like that. 
After a break-up, why do we lose our self-control?
We have loved and we have lost. Mostly, it doesn't even matter who has ended the relationship. It hurts and makes us wonder over and over again what went wrong. Analyzing everything we have said and done won't bring them back, though. It's okay to take some time to get over the hurt, to lock ourselves up at home, wear the same old gym pants for weeks, do not shower regularly, eat junk food, listen to corny lovesongs and just cry. Moaning is absolutely okay up to a certain point, but when your life starts going down and you cannot seem to get back to your daily routine, it is time for an INTERVENTION! Maybe we have lost someone we truly loved, but we still have our self-respect and we should not lose that either. So here are some things that should prevent you from making a fool of yourself:
- whatever you do, do NOT call him, DON'T leave any voicemails, no  matter what you have to say.
- don't show up at his apartement.
- don't send him letters, e-mails, text messages, e.g.

Just try to find your peace. I know it's hard, but always keep in mind that you will be able to look into the mirror without being ashamed of yourself.
There is this great book called It's Called a Break-Up Because It's Broken: The Smart Girl's Break-Up Buddy written by Greg Behrendt, the author of He is Just Not That into You. It is funny and helpful at the same time, giving you the kind of support you need in those tough times.
Order here.
Good luck!

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